Bones Can't Fix This
by AndromedaMarine
Summary: Kirk gives the doctor an exasperated expression, then eyes the hypospray Bones has in his hands. “No, no, no, Bones. Last time I really wanted to kill you.”
1. You're Not Spock

**Bones Can't Fix This by AndromedaMarine**

_You're Not Spock_

Kirk gives the doctor an exasperated expression, then eyes the hypospray Bones has in his hands. "No, no, no, Bones. Last time I really wanted to kill you."

"With any luck you'll want to kill me again," the doctor comments, not even batting an eyelash. He takes another step towards the captain, who's sitting on the edge of a sick bay table. He lifts the hypospray.

"Bones..."

"Jim, you're the most sensitive person I've met when it comes to mandatory medical attention. You wouldn't even tell me when you cracked your skull open after tripping over your own feet." He sighs, giving Kirk the same look he always does when it comes to the captain's health.

The captain stares Bones in the eye, unwisely taking his attention off the hypospray, intent on protesting the doctor's comment.

Bones seizes the chance, and stabs the spray against Jim's neck before he can react. He pulls away, a smirk slowly creeping onto his sharp features. "That wasn't so bad, Jim, was it?" He looks down at a tray beside the table.

Kirk emits a low grumble, one that sounds close to "ask me next year." He rubs the spot on his neck. "Dammit, Bones, that hurt."

Bones frowns, and turns to look at him. "You sound like a five year old, Jim. Grow up. You're the captain of Starfleet's favorite, relatively legendary and famous flagship. Act like it."

Jim bites back a remark Bones would only brush off. It's Jim who would regret saying it. _You're a doctor, not a mind reader. Not a Vulcan. Not Spock._ Jim rubs his neck, the day-old stubble scratching against his palm. Spock knows Jim has that reckless edge to him, and after the mind meld with Spock Prime, Jim wonders if his Spock has the same rush he did. The same rush of overwhelming emotion that goes hand in hand with a mind meld.

Bones doesn't get it, Jim thinks. He doesn't get that the recklessness is his coping with seeing that field of Starfleet debris around Vulcan. It's Jim's way of reacting to the void in his chest once filled by friends, acquaintances, on the _Farragut_, the _Mayflower_, and all the other starships lost in the black hole. There aren't even any bodies to bury. Jim gives the red spot on his neck one last rub, then jumps off the table.

The doctor crosses his arms. "And where do you think you're going?"

"Bridge," Kirk replies, and takes a step forward. He wobbles on his feet. "What the hell did you give me, Bones?"

"Sleep-inducing medication mixed with some vitamins and vaccines that you're way overdue on. You don't sleep, Jim."

"It's the damn nightmares. But I don't need sleep meds for it, doc!" Jim tries to take another step to the door, but Bones catches him as he collapses.

He heaves Kirk's half-limp body onto one of the beds, sighing. "You need rest, Jim."

"I need to report for duty," Jim mumbles, his hand clenched in a tight grip over the sleeve of McCoy's uniform. "I need to ask Sp..." he drifts off, falling completely asleep. His hand falls from the doctor's arm, and Bones stands over him, frozen.

What was the captain going to say about Spock? What did he want to ask the Vulcan? Bones studies the sleeping captain, then shakes his head, pulling the blanket over the now-peaceful body.

It's only Kirk's third week as official captain of the _U.S.S. Enterprise._

And Bones wonders about the captain.


	2. You're Not Making Sense

**Bones Can't Fix This by AndromedaMarine**

**Author's Note: Thanks for the tons of reviews on the first chapter! This fic is getting longer as I think it out... So I'm planning for the asking of the question next chapter.**

_You're Not Making Sense_

Jim blinks his eyes once, twice...(seven?) times, and feels a strange throb in the back of his left shoulder. He realizes his arm is hanging stiff over the bed, and he's flat on his back. He's not even with a woman. This is _all_ Bones' fault. He blinks again. _Where did that come from? This is Bones' fault?_ He tries a shrug, failing when he remembers he's still lying down. Jim tries to sit up, not expecting the pounding in his head. He groans.

"Bones..."

He can't even see straight, what with the cocktail of a hypospray-happy Leonard "Bones" McCoy gave him still pulsing through his system.

"Bones!"

The doctor appears in front of Jim with his trusty, good old-fashioned pen light, and shines it into Kirk's eyes. "Hmm."

Jim groans again. "That's all you're giving me? A damn grunt?"

He sighs. "You woke up too soon."

Jim presses a palm to his forehead. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you woke up too soon." Bones tries to push Jim back down. "You still need to sleep."

The captain shakes his head, trying to push his best friend out of the way. "No, I'm gonna go to the bridge, and you're not gonna touch me with another one of them evil sprays..."

Bones shines the light back in Jim's eyes. "Actually, if you don't start making sense, another one of 'them evil sprays' is exactly what you're gonna get. Lie down."

Jim opens one eye at McCoy. "What if I don't wanna lie down?"

He turns around on his heel, leaning forward. "Then I'll make you." He lifts a spray-ready injector.

"Fine, fine." The captain falls onto his back, and takes a deep breath of sick bay air. He blinks. He still needs to talk to Spock. "Bones," Jim calls out, using an elbow as leverage to scan the medical room. He sees the doctor by the far wall, probably mixing another cocktail. Jim shudders. "Bones, I can't stay here."

"Yes, you can." He doesn't even look over at his patient. "And you will."

"I need to talk to Spock," Jim insists. Bones faces the captain, another injector in hand. "Come on, Bones. I can't stay here. Cracking my head open was entirely different."

McCoy crosses his arms. "I'm your doctor, Jim. My orders precede yours."

"I don't care about your orders, Bones!" He tries to get off the bed again, this time much stronger on his feet. McCoy blocks the door.

The doctor feels bad about keeping the captain from the Vulcan. "I spoke with your first officer while you were sleeping. _Enterprise_ is going nowhere but straight."

Jim groans. "McCoy..."

"Here, let's make a compromise: you sleep another four hours and then go about your work, and I won't bother you unless I'm really concerned." Bones doesn't move from his place in Kirk's way. His expression softens. "Come on, Jim."

Kirk stares at the doctor, trying to gauge why Bones won't let him leave. His shoulders sag. "Oh, fine," he says, giving in. "I'm sort of tired anyway." He says it like he doesn't want to admit it. "But – but I'm holding you to that compromise."

Bones stabs the sleep-hypospray against Jim's neck, supporting him as he slumps over. "I really am sorry, Jim. But you need it." And the doctor wises he didn't have to force his captain into the realm of unconsciousness, no matter how much Captain Kirk really needs it.

----

Although McCoy's sleep aid blocks the nightmares (like it's supposed to), when Jim wakes again four hours later he remembers the pain of the second hypospray on his neck, and he really wants to kill Bones. But he needs to talk to Spock. He hasn't formed his question in its entirety yet, but the general idea is there, floating around his head.

McCoy appears beside Jim. "Let me look you over again, and then you can go talk to the pointy eared bastard."

Jim waves a hand in McCoy's face. "He's not so bad anymore. Just too...logical." Jim's eyes glaze over, unfocused as he thinks to his future conversation with the Vulcan. As the doctor studies his face, he can't help but wonder, what happened to the presence of reckless, playboy Jim Kirk? The Jim Kirk he knows isn't in that face; that face is a different person, molded from the experience of commanding a Starfleet flagship to safely save Earth...and Spock.

Spock had been ready to die – ready to give himself up to the explosion of red matter and the resulting black hole.

Jim wondered... Could Earth's fate have been different?


	3. You're Not Human

**Bones Can't Fix This by AndromedaMarine**

_You're Not Human_

Bones snaps his fingers in front of Jim's face. "Captain?" he asks, using the formality to get his friend's full attention. It works.

"Yeah?" Jim's eyes focus in on the doctor.

He grunts, and shines the penlight back in Jim's eyes. After a moment, Doctor McCoy pulls back, but just stands there, looking at his captain. He crosses his arms, a thoughtful expression crossing his features. "I know I'm not Spock, Jim. But we've been best friends for almost four years."

Jim rubs his hands over his eyes. "So?"

Bones stands up straight, his arms still crossed over his chest. His face falls a tiny bit. "I get the feeling whatever's on your mind, either I can't fix it or wouldn't understand."

A sigh escapes the captain's lips, and his eyes close for the briefest of moments. "Bones..."

The doctor lifts his hands in defeat, understanding. Recognition. "It's okay, Jim. I get it. I'm not Spock."

"Bones, no, it's just that – "

Bones cuts him off. "It's just that I'm not Spock." He turns away, absently organizing a tray of medical tools. He stops, his shoulders rising with a deep breath, and looks behind him at the broken-looking captain. "Look, Jim, it's fine that you're broadening your friendship pool to include the pointy-eared bastard. I'm not trying to force you into telling me anything."

Jim looks relieved. "Thanks, Bones. I'm sorry I can't really tell you." He hops off the table, and moves to the door, but stops before disappearing. "Listen... This is a wound that your medical expertise just..." He sighs again. "Bones, you can't fix this one."

He gives the captain a small, understanding smile, one they've exchanged several times over the past four years.

Jim Kirk leaves the medical bay, stopping at a nearby computer console to locate the Vulcan.

Jim finds Spock on the observation deck, standing like a statue, gazing out the massive window at the stars. Without moving, Jim's first officer speaks in an even tone. "Captain."

Jim notices the room is dimmed, suited to the needs of a meditating Vulcan. "Spock."

The Vulcan turns. "Doctor McCoy spoke with me during your rest."

Unconsciously, Kirk rubs the hypospray spot on his neck. "He told me."

Spock lifts an eyebrow at him. "I sense uncertainty. Do you not wish to inquire something of me? The doctor informed me of the urgency with which you wished to speak with me."

"Oh... Well, Spock..." Jim joins his first officer at the window. His voice is low, hushed. "You almost died."

The Vulcan turns his body towards the captain of Starfleet's favorite ship, his normally stoic features showing intrigue, even surprise. "Several times, in fact, Captain. To which incident are you referring?"

Jim sighs, searching the array of stars for what he knows isn't there, and won't appear. He glances over at Spock. "The red matter explosion. There was a moment...when seeing your Vulcan ship on a collision course with the _Narada_, when..." he trails off, wondering how to phrase it. "Spock Prime told me we were best friends in his reality. And Bones attacked me with the hyposprays because of the nightmares."

Spock feels a rare pang of guilt in his chest.

"Could things have turned out differently?" The captain's question is direct and pointed at Spock, and he knows the Vulcan, his first officer, and good friend, will answer. "You're not entirely human," Jim continues. "And I can't ask Bones the same question because..."

Spock knows Jim doesn't want to say it. "You did not witness Doctor McCoy ready to sacrifice himself to save the _Enterprise_ and all her crew."

Jim finds it hard to look Spock in the eye. He nods, confirming the Vulcan's words.

"The events that have taken place could have followed several different courses, the possibility of my death among them. As a captain, you handled each situation to a degree of success. As a friend...as a friend, Jim, I do not believe you would have let me sacrifice myself."

"But you tried to."

Jim's four words are powerful to the Vulcan's mind. "Yes." Spock observes as Jim's shoulders sag slightly. "But if there is any meaning to these words, I did not wish to. I did what was logical at the time – what I believed was the only way to defeat Nero. I did not expect that the _Enterprise_ would follow myself and the _Narada_."

"You didn't think I'd come after you? I think after everything you put me through, I have the right to kill you myself." His attempt to lighten the mood he set falls flat.

Spock shakes his head. "I did not believe there was sufficient time." The Vulcan keeps his gaze on the captain. "Might I ask my own inquiry?"

Jim shrugs, and leans his forehead against the window. "Shoot."

"Would regret or guilt be in your future had my attempt succeeded?" Spock watches as Jim Kirk takes in a shuddering breath, the window fogging slightly with the exhalation. The human side of Spock's ancestry takes over for a moment. "Would you have...missed...me?" Jim is silent for several minutes, and Spock suspects that his friend is too afraid to answer. "I apologize. My inquiry was much too personal." Spock turns and starts towards the door. As he walks away, Jim takes in another deep breath.

"Yeah."

The first officer halts, and slowly faces the captain, his human half unsure of what he's heard.

"Yeah, I'd miss you."

"Interesting," Spock comments, his hands folding behind him. "The delay in your answer suggests reluctance in voicing it." He returns to Jim's side. "Am I accurate in the assessment that Doctor McCoy could not 'fix' the issue of the prospect of...of losing my companionship – my life from the _Enterprise_'s crew?"

Jim sighs again, chuckling slightly at the Vulcan's complex words. "Again, yeah. Bones couldn't fix this one."

"And what is capable of 'fixing this one'?"

The captain swivels, crossing his arms across his chest. One corner of his lips quirks upwards. "Lots of enlightening conversations with my best half-Vulcan friend. Bones can still fix the broken bones and cracked-open skulls."

"I still believe it was unwise in not informing the doctor of that particular incident."

Jim thinks a hint of a small smile is visible on Spock's lips in the dim room. "So? It's in the past."

Spock has made his point. "As was my brush with death." He studies the captain, sincerity etched into his features and visible in his eyes. "Dwelling on the events of the past distracts from focusing on the present and the future. But confiding in me was a wise decision. I too had wondered...though not at the time." The Vulcan finds it comforting to have someone on the ship who cares for his life, other than the gorgeous communications officer. "Trust that if you do not ponder what could have been, the nightmares will cease, and Doctor McCoy will have no need to attack you with a hypospray."

It's the captain's turn to let a smile appear. "Thanks."

Spock allows an expression of surprise to cross his features. "For what, captain? I simply answered your questions and provided advice."

Jim rubs his neck again. "Yeah, but it helped. I don't feel so depressed anymore. I guess you just have that effect on people."

"I was under the impression that I and my logic created depression in certain humans." Spock looks out to the stars again.

"But what Bones can't fix... You can. And that's what I needed."

As they leave the observation deck, and part ways, Spock looks down the empty corridor, and lets a smile appear on his features.

And Bones won't have to attack Jim with a hypospray again for several months.


End file.
